


Until you're resting here with me

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love Actually AU, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-16 01:17:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13043514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: He glances back at the screen of his phone, still videoing. He can tell she’s looking, can see what he’s recording but he can’t make himself stop. He hates himself for it, it’s his best friend for God’s sake but he just can’t help how he feels. “Which one?”“Hmm?”“Which one of them is it that you like? I’m not stupid, Robert. You haven’t taken your eyes off them.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Love Actually AU (the Keira Knightley strand of the film). I've had the idea for a while of an AU from the film but a couple of posts on tumblr got me actually writing it.
> 
> Hopefully it'll all be posted by Christmas :)

He couldn’t believe he was back here. It had been just over ten years, years where he’d been able to push it from his mind and now he was back, partly, no mostly against his will. He had a vague memory of some annoying kid from his brother’s wedding but nothing more than that. It had to be some kind of cosmic joke that he’s ended up getting engaged to Robert’s best friend and the party was being held back in Emmerdale. From what he could see as he pulled the car to a stop, nothing had changed.

He’d changed though. Back then he was a mechanic, sleeping with his brother’s fiance, not much else going for him. Now, he was reasonably successful, even if selling agricultural machinery wasn’t the most glamorous job in the world it paid the bills...and he was in love with his best friend’s fiance. Ok, so maybe not everything had changed.

He wasn’t going to do anything about it, he had grown up that much. If it was anyone else, he might have, but he wouldn’t do that to Luke. He’d been there for him for years. He’d met him not long after he left the village, letting him kip on his sofa for a while until he got himself sorted. He owed him everything, which is really the only reason he was here. If it had been anyone else he would have made an excuse, got out of it somehow but not Luke. Taking a deep breath he gets out of the car, convinces himself it’ll be fine, and heads inside.

The first thing he notices is that the pub has changed. He’d heard of course about the siege a few years before, he’d even called his sister to check on everyone. He wasn’t that heartless. He sees her first, heading through the back, arms full of food platters. She’s grown up, of course, reminds him so much of their Mum. He misses her. They’ve been closer since that phone call, chatting every couple of weeks, texting a lot even if this was the first time they’d seen each other in person for years.

“Alright mate, you made it!” He cringes slightly, had wanted to see the lie of the land before drawing any kind of attention to himself. Then again that’s just impossible with Luke, he’s loud and annoying especially when you don’t want him to be. “Wasn’t sure you’d turn up.”

“Anyone but you, and I wouldn’t, you know that. So, where’s Aaron?”

“He’s here somewhere, hijacked by his family. Listen, about that, would you, in your position as my almost definitely best man, do me a favour?”

“Almost definitely? Well that’s a compliment and a half.”

“Yeah, yeah. There’s probably gonna be speeches and one of Aaron’s lot is meant to be filming it but they’ve been at the bar since it opened so could you, you know be a backup? You know, posterity and that?” Robert can’t help laughing, can only guess how many drinks he’s already had, but he nods, patting him on the back as he spies Vic making her way back into the bar.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to get it all. I’m, er, gonna go talk to Vic.” She’s already seen him, is heading over to him at speed.

It feels good hugging her, he’s missed her. Whatever reasons there were for leaving he’s always regretted leaving her. There’s no peace for a proper chat and he has to promise her that he’ll hang around the following day for it before she’ll let him go. He’s booked into the B&B anyway, against his better judgement, and he promises her breakfast at least. After that he’ll see.

The party is fun, considering, and he watches as Luke and Aaron make their way round the pub, all smiles. He’s not used to seeing Aaron like this, dressed in a smart blue suit, shirt collar open, and he’s having a hard time taking his eyes off him. He has to keep forcing himself to tear his gaze away in case anyone notices. In the end he busies himself filming and taking photos on his phone trying to do as he’d been asked and capture the evening.

He finds himself watching Aaron again, he’s all smiles, laughing and joking with his family and their obvious good natured teasing. He’s not normally like that. There’s more likely to be a frown than a smile. He can’t really pinpoint when he knew he was attracted to him. Luke had introduced them on a night out and for a reason he can’t remember Aaron was in a mood. The first impression hadn’t been great but even then there had been an attraction.

“They seem happy. Aaron’s been smiling a lot more when he’s come back to visit.” He jumps as Vic sits beside him and the phone has to refocus itself. 

“You know him?” He knew Aaron’s family lived here but he himself lived in Leeds, it hadn’t occurred to him that his sister would know him well.

“Yeah, we were good mates until he moved to Leeds, still are I suppose. I hear from him more than you anyway!”

“Alright, I know I’m a terrible brother, no need to rub it in.” She’s joking he knows, at least partly. He could be better of course. She was forever asking him to come back, telling him that Leeds wasn’t far, disappointed to know he had been that close all those years and hadn’t been in touch. He had a lot to make up for, still.

He glances back at the screen of his phone, still videoing. He can tell she’s looking, can see what he’s recording but he can’t make himself stop. He hates himself for it, it’s his best friend for God’s sake but he just can’t help how he feels. “Which one?”

“Hmm?”

“Which one of them is it that you like? I’m not stupid, Robert. You haven’t taken your eyes off them.” She knows he’s bisexual, had for a year or so, had seen a picture on his facebook that he’d been tagged in, kissing some guy from way back and asked him outright. Vic had never been one for subtlety after all. He was glad she knew though, it felt good, even if she did still stick her nose in a bit too much for his tastes.

“What? No! Luke asked me to video the speeches and that.”

“Hmm, well they’re all done and dusted and you’re still filming. So come on...I’m going with Aaron because you’ve known Luke long enough that you’d be over it by now or at least done something about it.” He just shook his head in disbelief. “Robert! What are you doing?”

“Nothing. I’m doing nothing, alright. So just forget about it.” He looks at her until she nods. “They look happy, don’t they?”

He’d hoped maybe stupidly, that seeing them together again so happy, he’d start to feel less, that somehow his brain would compute that there was no chance for them. If anything it was the opposite, the more he saw him the stronger it was and he had no idea what to do.

*****

“How long?”

“How long what?” He stops, piece of cake halfway to his mouth. Breakfast had ended up being lunch and now they were in the cafe and he’d barely even sat down before she started in on him. He’d hardly slept, too busy thinking about Aaron, wondering what to do.

“You know what. How long have you liked Aaron?” He can’t help the nervous glance around, checking no one is within earshot before he answers her.

“Will you keep your voice down? It’s nothing to do with you.”

“Got a queue of people you can talk to then have you?” He sighs, she’s got this thing about him only having the one really close friend. It doesn’t bother him, if anything he prefers it that way. “You know nothing’s going to happen don’t you?”

“Expert now huh?”

“Aaron’s my mate, like I said, so yes...I am. I don’t want to see you get hurt Rob, or him.”

“I told you, I’m not going to do anything. It’s a stupid...crush if you like, I’ll get over it. I just need to keep my distance until I do.” It’s all he’d thought about, laying awake all night. If he just stayed out of their way, avoided their usual weekly drink then surely this ‘thing’ would fizzle out. The downside to all that was his friendship with Luke might end up damaged by the time he was over it. Then again it’d be destroyed if he did anything else. “Let’s change the subject, yeah?”

*****

He doesn’t see either of them for a few weeks, he’s busy at work and trying to avoid them, the guilt of how he’s feeling beginning to overwhelm him. Then they’re off on holiday, a pre-wedding honeymoon of all things because they want to stay at home for Christmas. It gives him some space, time to think, even if he doesn’t come to any kind of conclusion. He needs to work something out or he’ll lose the best friend he’s probably ever had.

They’re away for two weeks and the pictures on Instagram keep him more updated than he really wants but he can’t bring himself to stop checking, replaying every video of Aaron willing himself to not feel like this anymore, but nothing works. He shoves it to the back of his mind as best he can until his phone rings at work one day.

“Rob, it’s me.”

“You’re back then?” He leans back in his chair, keeping an eye out to make sure his boss was nowhere in sight. The man had been on the warpath recently and Robert wasn’t about the get on the wrong side of him, not even for his friend. “How was the pre-wedding honeymoon thing?”

“Brilliant. Listen, we wanted to have you over for dinner next week, to say thanks. You free Saturday?” He sighed internally, that was the last thing he wanted, spending the whole evening with Aaron, at least not until he got over whatever this was. Not that he’s going to say no, he never has so far, isn’t going to start now, knows it’ll look suspicious.

“Yeah, should be. Haven’t you got better things to be doing than inviting your sad single friend round?” Please say you have, he thought over and over. He didn’t know how he’d get through it.

“Nah, not really.” Comes the teasing reply. “Listen I’ve got Aaron on the other line, he wants to talk to you. Be nice, yeah?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just be less you, yeah?”

“I’m hurt! Go on, I’ve got a couple of minutes before getting back to the exciting world of tractors.” He doodles absently on the diary in front of him while he waits, the two of them obviously having a conversation.

“Robert?”

“Finally. What’s up?” He can’t help sounding fed up, he’s trying so hard to get over himself and having to see and hear from Aaron isn’t helping in the slightest.

“I, er, I’ve got to go and buy my suit, for the wedding. Well, I’m not one for suits and none of my mates are either. Luke suggested I ask you. You might be a big headed prat but even I can tell you’ve got some taste.” He’s panicking because he can think of nothing worse, spending the whole day with Aaron should be a dream come true but not like this, not buying his wedding suit.

“I’m pretty busy, work, you know...is there no one else?”

“If there was do you think I’d be asking you?” He sounds so put out that Robert wants to laugh. “Look, will you help me out or not?” Well he had no choice really did he? It’d look suspicious if he didn’t.

“Fine. It’ll have to be Friday though, only day I’m free.” That gave him three days to think of a way to get out of it because there was no way this wasn’t ending in disaster.

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic will ya. Friday then. I’ll pick you up at your place at 10.”

He agrees and Aaron’s hung up within seconds, leaving Robert just staring at the phone, pretty much regretting getting out of bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Not even three hours have gone past before he hears from Luke again, this time a text asking him for the video from the party. He takes an age to reply, trying to think of a decent excuse as to why he can’t give it to them. The best he comes up with is to tell him it’s now on his laptop which is broken. It’s lame and he knows it but it’s not like he can give the real reason is it? 

He thinks he’s managed to put him off, doesn’t get another reply so he shoves it to the back of his mind, until there’s a knock on the door the following morning.

“Bacon buttie?” He can’t help but grimace at the greasy bag held out to him when he opens his front door. He’s only just up, a late start at work giving him the chance to try and catch up on the sleep he’s lost. Not that he managed it which is why he’s still in his jogging bottoms and jumper as he answered the door.

“Er, no ta.” He has no idea what’s going on, Aaron’s the last person he expected to find on his doorstep at ten in the morning.

“All the more for me then.” 

“I’m kind of busy...got a meeting to go to, so…” Aaron just raises an eyebrow at him as he steps over the threshold bacon sandwich already in hand.

“Had to drop a car off to a customer and you said you had the video on your laptop. Wondered if you’d got it working again?” He remembers just as Aaron turns towards the kitchen that the item in question is merrily showing the BBC news site, where it’s open on the kitchen table.

“Er, yeah, managed to get it going last night, but, I haven’t checked it...why don’t I just copy it and send it or drop it in to you?” He used to be good at lying he’s sure he did, but now even he can’t believe his excuses are so feeble.

“Look I know you don’t like me or think I’m good enough for your mate or whatever but the video is for Luke not me, so maybe you could stop being a prat for five minutes, yeah?”

“I really do have a meeting.”

“Often go to meetings in your trackies then? Come on, your laptop is on, it won’t take five minutes.” He’s already moving towards it and Robert honestly doesn’t know if it’s the thought of him finding the video or the greasy fingerprints he’ll no doubt leave all over the keyboard that makes him dash to it and slam the lid down. “You really do have a problem with me, don’t you?”

“It’s not that, it’s…” There’s really no way out of it, if he keeps acting like this it’ll get back to his friend and he’ll have even more awkward questions to answer. Maybe if he shows him Aaron won’t think anything of it. Maybe he’ll think he’s as bad at videoing stuff as his family and they’ll laugh it off. “Fine.”

He opens the laptop and finds the file before standing back and letting Aaron take over. He stands against the wall, it feels like it’s holding him up as Aaron sets it going. The kitchen is soon full of the sounds from the party, he can pick out Chas’ voice straight away and then Cain shouting something about a welly.

He closes his eyes, doesn’t want to see Aaron’s face when he realises what’s going on. He’s sure he will, he’s not stupid.

“Bit close mate.” He says with a small laugh. He still can’t look at him, just stands there, leaning against the wall, waiting for the moment it clicked, the moment Aaron would find out. He keeps watching, doesn’t say anything else until it ends and then he’s staring at Robert, eyes wide, disbelief and something else he can’t describe all over his face. “It’s just me.”

Robert swallows hard, can’t speak, doesn’t really know what to say. It’s not like he can deny it anymore. “Yeah.”

“But...you don’t like me. You always talk to Luke, never to me.” What can he say to that? He just wants him gone, snaps into action and finds a USB stick that he can transfer the video to, the quickest way he can think of to get rid of him.

“You can probably get something from it, I think my sister was filming too, could ask her. Just...you know, don’t go showing everyone, yeah?” He has to get out, get away. “Like I said, I’ve got a meeting, so, let yourself out.”

“Robert, wait!” He hears him call but he doesn’t stop because he knows if he stays there he’s going to do something he can’t take back and he’ll blow three people’s lives apart. 

He doesn’t stop, finds enough presence of mind to call work. He really did have a meeting, albeit a later one than he told Aaron but he couldn’t face it now. Instead he got on the first bus he saw going to the one place he knew he could go.

*****

He gets funny looks as he walks into the pub, makes him remember he’s still in a ratty old jumper and tracksuit bottoms. He comes face to face with Aaron’s Mum and for a minute he expects her to know, to throw a drink at him or something but she just greets him with a sarcastic remark about his clothes.

“Is Vic about?” He doesn’t even have a comeback for her. They don’t get on, never did, probably never will now. She looks confused but she sends him through to the kitchen. Vic’s busy chopping vegetables and stirring pots so she doesn’t see him straight away, gives him time to watch her. She’s so strong and capable, just like their Mum, the memories so strong again.

“Robert! What on earth are you doing here, and more to the point, what are you wearing?”

“Oh, er yeah, had to leave in a bit of a hurry. Don’t suppose you can get away? I, er, could do with a chat.” She sighs and he feels bad turning up like this. She doesn’t see him for years and now he’s going to dump all his problems on her. 

“Here,” She digs into her pocket and passes him a bunch of keys. “Go over to my place and I’ll sweet talk Chas and come over when I can. Make yourself a cup of tea and sit down. You look terrible!”

“Wow, thanks, you know how to make your brother feel special don’t you?” He gives her a quick hug, “Thanks Vic.”

The cottage just screams Vic to him, even knowing little about her life, it’s homely and he manages to find everything to make himself a cup of tea before sinking into her sofa. Five minutes haven’t passed when the door is opening, letting in a blast of cold air and Vic’s sitting down next to him, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Right so what’s happened? Something obviously has because, well, look at you.” He tells her everything, doesn’t stop and she listens without saying anything. “You don’t half get yourself into some messes, don’t you? Why show him the video?”

“I don’t know, he caught me off guard. I was just...didn’t want to let Luke down with the video, and now I’ve ruined everything.”

“You think he’ll say something?” He shrugged. “Look, you can always laugh it off, tell him you thought Luke might appreciate it or something.”

“No...he could tell, I know he could. Must have seen my face or something. It’s too late to pass it off as a joke. What the hell do I do, Vic? I’m supposed to be helping him pick out his suit in two days.”

“Well I doubt he’ll want to if he’s angry with you. Look, you’re not the first person to have a crush on someone, surely he’ll know that.” He looks at her, biting his lip. Maybe she’s right, it’s not like he’s done anything wrong, it’s just embarrassing for him. “It’s flattering really.”

“Always looking on the bright side aren’t ya?”

“It’s that or I join you down there in the doldrums. Look if I know Aaron he’ll be as awkward as you are on Friday. Just act the same as always and see if he says anything.” He nodded, knowing there’s no easy way to get out of the shopping trip.

“Thanks Vic. When did you grow up, huh?”

“That’s what happens when you do a disappearing act for over a decade.” He laughs shakily, and she wraps her arms around him, holding him tight.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“You are coming here for Christmas aren’t you? Diane and Andy will be back from Gran’s by then. We’ve not had a proper family Christmas in too long.” The thought of facing the two of them is too much but Vic’s eager face makes it hard to say no. “You can stay here, it’ll be fun.”

“We’ll see. Don’t forget the wedding is the day before. I might need a truck load of alcohol to get through that. I’ll be here at some point over Christmas though, I’ll promise that much.” He looks at his watch. “I should get home. I’m already in hot water with work and I’ve stuff to do before I go in tomorrow.”

“It’ll be alright you know, with Aaron. He’s a good person.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s the problem.” He got to his feet and kissed her forehead. “Thanks Vic.”

Maybe she’s right, he just hopes Aaron doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to have to explain everything to his friend, doesn’t want to lose him as well.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments.  
> This didn't end as I imagined but I hope it works :)

In the end he’s saved from the shopping trip. Aaron cancelled, saying his Mum was ill and he had to help out behind the bar for the day. Robert took the hint, didn’t ask whether he wanted to reschedule. He still had to face going to dinner the following night. He pulls his best shirt from the wardrobe needing to know he looks good, and gets himself ready, all the while waiting for his phone to light up with a message to say it’s off.

It doesn’t come, so he drives the short distance to Luke and Aaron’s flat. It’s stupid, they’ve done this many times and it’s always a laugh. He supposes that this is what it’ll be like now, at least until he gets over this. Of course it’s Aaron who answers the door, scowl firmly in place.

“Luke’s just nipped to the shop, forgot some crucial ingredient or something. Shouldn’t be long.” Robert hung his coat up and followed him through to the kitchen. “Beer?”

“Sure. So how’s Chas?”

“Huh?” Aaron frowns as he passes him his beer. “Oh...yeah she’s fine now.”

“You could have told me the truth you know, if you didn’t want me to help you. I would have got it, expected it really.”

“What did you expect me to do? Why make it uncomfortable for both of us?”

“So why let me come here tonight? Or are you going to tell Luke all about it, make me squirm even more?” He should have never have come. He’s ruined everything, he’s going to lose his best friend, well really his only real friend and it’s all his own fault.

“No, that’s not...I just thought it would be easier! Give you time to deal with it.”

“I’ve been dealing with it for over a year, Aaron. I’m getting pretty good at it thank you.” He slams his beer bottle down on the counter. “I should go.”

“That long?” Aaron looked stunned, frozen. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Excellent conversation material, that, yeah? Why don’t I just go, leave you and Luke on your own. I’ll come up with some reason why I can’t be his best man.” He couldn’t face it, not any more, the guilt of hiding this from his best friend was too much, now Aaron knew it was weighing down on him again.

“Now you’re just being dramatic. Nothing’s changed. He doesn’t know anything. I told him you’d deleted the video by accident, he’s none the wiser. You really going to throw your friendship away over me?” He wants to say he’s worth it, but it isn’t really. He’s stopped from answering by the front door opening. 

“You’re here then! Great!” He watches Luke stride around the kitchen, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips as he passes. “Right, out the pair of you, let me cook.”

He has no choice but to follow Aaron through to the living room. He’s always liked the house, it’s far more homely than his and he’s always been comfortable here, until tonight. Now he felt completely out of place and he’s wishing he’d brought Vic along with him. At least she could be relied upon to fill the empty silences.

“I’m not going to say anything, to Luke I mean. It’s not like anything is going on is it?”

“That simple, huh?”

“I didn’t say that. I just don’t see the point in the two of you falling out over it. Maybe one day all three of us can be mates, without all this getting in the way. I’ve been where you are.” Robert looks up at him, sitting on the opposite sofa.

“Really?”

“My mate, Adam, back when we were teenagers. I do know how you’re feeling.”

“And what, you got over it? I don’t need to hear how you understand. It doesn’t help me.”

“No I didn’t get over it, not for ages, nearly ruined our friendship. I don’t want that for you and Luke, I told you. Me and Adam are alright now. You’ll get over me.”

“This isn’t a silly teenage crush Aaron…” He can’t stop himself from getting up, from walking over to the sofa, sitting down next to Aaron. 

He’s inches away from him, could easily just lean in and kiss him, he’s not moving away. It’s only Luke calling out that stops him. He jumps to his feet as the door opens, Aaron seemingly in a daze.

“Shouldn’t be long. You alright?”

“Er, no, not really. Not feeling too good mate. I really don’t think I can stay. Sorry mate.” He daren’t look at Aaron, hopes the state he’s in will convince Luke that he is actually ill. He certainly feels it. “Another time though, yeah?”

Luke tries to get him to accept a lift home but he turns him down, needs to be on his own, can’t believe what almost happened. He murmurs a goodbye to Aaron and he’s half heartedly waving goodbye to Luke and driving away, feeling like the worst friend in the world.

*****

He doesn’t hear from either of them for a few weeks, avoids Luke’s calls, answering texts telling him he’s busy at work. It can’t go on, he’s still supposed to be his best man, has things to do before the wedding but for now he lets himself ignore him. Aaron doesn’t call, not that he expected it. He hasn’t told anyone what happened, not even Victoria, no matter how many times she’s asked.

It’s close enough to Christmas now that he’s got invites to Christmas parties coming out of his ears. He goes to most of them, tries to get over himself, to get into the spirit of the season but not much works. 

He blames the idea on the alcohol at his firm’s Christmas do, he would never have come up with it sober, but once it’s in his head he can’t shift it. It’s stupid, probably the stupidest thing he’s done in years and it’s not like Aaron doesn’t already know how he feels. Maybe he deserves to give himself one chance to just get his feelings out there properly and then he can let it go, move on.

*****

He stands outside their flat for what feels like an age before he manages to pluck up enough courage to ring the doorbell. He hides everything he’s carrying out of sight. He’s not sure what he’ll do if Luke answers. He’s taken long enough to pluck up the courage to do this he doesn’t think he can do it again. Thankfully he hears Aaron call out that he’ll get it and then his heavy footsteps getting closer. He can feel his heart rate going up, he’s sure the whole street can hear it.

“Oh...hi.” Aaron’s there now, in front of him. He looks confused and it takes him a few seconds to remember his plan. It’s Luke calling out, asking who it is that jolts him into action.

*PRETEND IT’S CAROL SINGERS*

Aaron nods and calls back and Robert can see the barest hint of interest interrupting the grumpiness on his features. He taps his phone, sets the carol he’d picked out playing before holding up the rest of the cards, expecting Aaron to slam the door in his face any second.

*THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST IDIOTIC THING*

*I’VE EVER DONE*

Aaron smiles at him but he looks completely bemused.

*BUT FOR NOW, I WANT TO SAY*

*WITHOUT HOPE OR EXPECTATION*

*JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS*

*(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH...APPARENTLY!)*

*TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT*

*GRUMPY BUT PERFECT*

Aaron forgets himself and bursts out laughing and has to reach out and take the piece of card from him to get him to move on, he’s too busy staring at him.

*AND I LOVE YOU*

*MERRY CHRISTMAS*

He doesn’t stop to see Aaron’s expression, just stoops to pick up the cards and switch off the music from his phone. When he stands up Aaron’s just staring at him. If he were optimistic he’d say he could see a tear in his eye but it’s probably his imagination. He does exactly what he’d planned to do and turns and walks away.

It’s only when he hears footsteps that he stops and the next thing, Aaron has swung him round and he has his hands on his face, palms warm against his cold cheeks. He doesn’t have chance to speak before Aaron’s kissing him. He doesn’t know if anyone can see them, doesn’t care. If this is all he gets he’s going to savour every second. It’s over before he can even think, Aaron pulling away from him. He doesn’t say anything just nods and Robert nods back and then he’s jogging back towards the flat. Robert waits until he hears the door close before he walks away.

“Enough. Stop now.”

*****

He spends the next few days dreading the wedding. He can hardly let Luke down not that late and seeing Aaron again is just going to be mortifying. He can’t actually believe what he did, can’t believe Aaron kissed him. He knows it didn’t mean anything, and he’s determined to put it all behind him. The first test of that will be the wedding tomorrow. Christmas Eve. Not that he feels the slightest bit festive. The only upside is that Vic will be there. He hadn’t realised just how much he missed her until they started spending time together again.

They’d spent the day Christmas shopping. He had left it all until the last minute as always, not that he has a huge amount of stuff to buy. She’d been horrified when he’d told her that despite her invitation he’d be spending the day alone and hadn’t let up until he relented. So now he had a few more presents to buy and something else to worry about, seeing Diane and Andy again. They’d not been at the party and he’d avoided them ever since but he had no chance at Christmas.

Now she’s gone and he’s all alone with a pile of presents to wrap and a glass of whiskey beside him. The Christmas decorations are up, he’d done that much and there’s an old black and white film on the TV. He just has to work himself up to wrapping things up. He’ll get to it in a minute.

He’s just finishing the first gift when the doorbell rings. Extracting himself from a tangle of sticky tape he opens the door, mouth hanging open when he sees Aaron standing there. 

“If you’ve come to have a go or…”

“I haven’t.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and stares down at the floor. “I, er...me and Luke, it’s over.” He literally can’t speak, he must be dreaming. All he can make himself do is usher Aaron inside and shut the door against the cold. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“You mean you’ve had a row and you’ve stormed out?” It had to be, couldn’t be anything else.

“No, I mean I told him I couldn’t marry him.” He moves closer, backing Robert further into the house. “Told him it wouldn’t be fair.”

“Aaron…”

“I can’t marry him when I’ve started having feelings for someone else. Someone who’s spent a year acting as though they didn’t like me because they didn’t want to upset their friend.” He moves closer and Robert’s sure he isn’t breathing. “You would have stood there and let me marry him, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah. You love him, he’s my friend...Aaron I don’t understand what you’re doing here?”

“I didn’t sleep last night, or the three nights before that either. I haven’t been able to sleep since you appeared at the door playing fuckin’ carols because who does that?”

“Do you want me to apologise?” He feels like he’s in some strange parallel world, he has no idea what the hell is going on.

“No...I can’t get you out of my head and I don’t know what to do...I just know I can’t marry him. He doesn’t make me feel like I’ve felt the last three days.” Robert backs up against the back of the sofa as Aaron keeps moving closer, now just inches away from him. “But you do and...I can’t ignore it.”

“Does he know? About me?”

“No. I just told him it didn’t feel right, that I didn’t want to end up hurting him. If we...we’ll have to tell him at some point.”

“Not yet. I...can’t believe you’re here. I didn’t...what I did, it was to just get over it all, once and for all. I didn’t expect this.” He jumps a little as Aaron’s arms come around him, resting in the small of his back. It feels good, like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

“I know, maybe I’d been denying it since I saw that video. You know what, I’m done talking. Are you going to kiss me, or what?”

It wasn’t perfect, it could still all fall apart and he would never not feel guilty about hurting his friend but for now it’s Christmas and Aaron’s here and it’s enough. The rest they can fix later.


End file.
